Big highs and lows, that’s how my new year started. Whew! Here is New Zealand we have a long holiday over Christmas and New Year and because it’s summer most people go on holiday. That meant I got to spend some time recovering from the busy last few weeks of the working year.
Unfortunately recovery also meant that I fell into a depressive state for about a week. At the time that really bothered me because I had been doing okay. Yet again, it was a reminder that life is not always without suffering.
On reflection I also discovered that during the moments of deepest despair, I actually feel the most alive, the most present. Maybe because there is no ego when facing such strong feelings that take away the ability to focus on anything else. I also learned that although it not a pleasant state, it again gave me the opportunity to experience more about myself.
Because I have been moving through various feelings of depression and anxiety for more than two years, even I am not sure what the old ‘Leigh’ was like. Interestingly I do not want to be that person again but I get the sense that my family and friends are looking for the return of the person I used to be.
The highs came when I spent a week in early January I attended a 7 day silent mindfulness meditation retreat at Te Moata Retreat centre on the Coromandel Penisular. This is located in a beautiful valley of native bush that glows with spirituality. I experienced a wonderful week of self-discovery which deserves a blog post of its own. More to follow…..